How to let jealousy grow you

How do you deal with jealousy?

Do you de-value the object of your jealousy? Does your mind start creating false stories to protect you from your feelings? (“Working there probably isn’t all it’s cracked up to be; I bet she’s not even really that happy”)

It’s amazing to me the lengths the mind will go to protect us from feeling unpleasant or difficult emotions. It will distort reality to help you stay safe and docile. Is this really the mind? No, it’s the saboteur. How do we know? Because it’s going to great lengths to keep you from changing, from being forced to grow.

If you were really to let yourself feel jealousy, yes, it might be very unpleasant. But what then? Well, that unpleasant feeling might spur you into action — you wouldn’t want to feel that unpleasant feeling of jealousy forever, so you would start trying to shift it: interrogating it, seeking out support, questioning what’s behind it, and eventually, taking action and making a change.

Next time your green-eyed monster rears her head, notice how quickly the saboteur comes around to pacify her. Why he is so afraid of jealousy? Because she points you to what you truly care about, and tapping into that is the first step toward remarkable, lasting change.

Gillian BenAry